I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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