you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
