From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
