I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
