but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Success! We fucked roommates!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
