So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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