How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
