Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
