May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
