Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My cat gives me a boner
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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