Sry I called you an 8
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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