hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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