you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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