If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
