which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Warsđ
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You told him he âcould park his dick in your garageâ.
Well he didnât. It shouldnât be this hard to get a penis.
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