OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
