why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
