I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
