whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
