ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
