Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
