I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
