I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
