all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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