Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
