And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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