There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So much rum. So many feels.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
