He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
