You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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