it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize