Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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