It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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