Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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