I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
