I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
