YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
