morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
