Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Never underestimate the power of titties
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize