he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
