we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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