I wish my penis had an off switch
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
