Apparently you make a good broom.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
