Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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