3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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