I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i came on her dog
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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