just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
