it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
ttyl tear gas
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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