There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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