Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
