worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
vagina is talking i cant
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize