Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
