so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
