she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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