Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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