i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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