i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
