Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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