Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
