why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
