So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Redeem this text for a blowjob
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize