Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont even know how to be here
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
