I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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