I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
