big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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