idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
