Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
