I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Randomize
