i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
