i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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