Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
