WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
