So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize